Wednesday, June 16, 2010

how messy can your house be, and you still get away with "Oh, but I'm an artist..." as an excuse

Quick run around, fuck, need to leave, have dinner, meant to be seeing her soon, have to run early in the morning, plane to catch and blah de blah, if we're gonna fuck it'll have to be at my place, can't do it otherwise, early morning and all. Ok, make place presentable, don't want to scare the poor girl, tourist and all, where's your patriotism son, melbourne slobs, fuck that!

Ok, rush, 10 mins spare, eat, holy shit, i did it, my house is fucking presentable.


oh wait

It's not a competition, i am not proud of the state of my house, it's small, i have a lot of shit to store. But looking around....i can't help but feel that the excuse "Oh, but i'm an artist" is not gonna fucking gel. Poor chick won't be able to find a soon enough flight out.

FYI, it's sideways because i really need to leave now, cab'll be here in a sec. The fact that i posted this when i could've been attempting to tackle my room is very, very sad.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

weird mail #00002

same day, received this unexpected letter in the mail as well (click image for fullsize version):

Interesting, no?

The things that made my stomach buckle were a) that the people who're mainly having this..uh..difficulty, are apparently lefties, which i sympathise with, and b) that the nature of the trap is that there's no way for anyone to convince people experiencing this that they might be wrong, without looking like you're just "part of the conspiracy". It's a fucking nasty tick to get in your brain. Especially because, from the websites i looked at on the topic, one of the worst things for the people suffering from this is that anyone they try to tell about it naturally assumes they're crazy.

from - "after being severely mobbed at work and “community stalked” for 15 years. I lost my job. I have been unemployed for 2.75 years. I found these web sites and it also brought tears to my eyes. I knew I was not the only one and it confirmed that I was not crazy, in spite of 15 years almost everyone I knew attempting to gaslight me."

There have been conflicting ideas on whether the internet forums for people being "gangstalked" are exacerbating the problem, or helpful in that they're providing a support network for people who otherwise wouldn't have one. I'm undecided, but lean towards it being healthy-ish. It does raise some interesting points around the idea of consensus reality - if a large enough percentage of people *knew* that they were being constantly stalked by the government, how would you differentiate their point of view from something objective? If, for instance, you were involved in these groups but then suddenly stopped feeling stalked by people, would that make you realise that maybe you were just imagining it in the first place? Or would you start to think that maybe the Persecuting Agents are just trying to lull you into a false sense of security, in order to undermine the anti-gangstalking community?

The parallels between the gang-stalking ideas and religion are enormous, which is why I'm not surprised that these GS groups seem (relatively) popular - as a good Moslem, you're taught that there's this Persecuting Agent (Shaitan) who is trying to lure you away from the 'right path', and therefore no matter how strong the evidence might seem that your religion is bunk, it's always possible it's just a trick by the Adversary to undermine your religious belief.

Making it worse is that countries *do* engage in a lot of distressing activities in order to keep an eye on themselves - I've got politically-involved friends who've received semi-regular phone calls from Yon Porcine People "Hi I'm Cuntstable Barry White...just phoning up to have a chat. How're you doing? Not planning anything subversive are you?" (i paraphrase, but barely). And agent provocatuers happen - another chick in one of these groups was dating a dude she'd met through their organisation, they dated and eventually got engaged. And then had her beloved fiance tell her "Actually...uh..funny thing, i've actually been an undercover police officer the whole time. My real name is X, i was just trying to check if the local socialist groups were actually planning terrorist activities. Turns out you weren't, so lucky you! You still wanna get married?".

And after that experience, fuck, *i'd* be seeing 'gang stalkers' everywhere too @_@

To make it worse, the whole MK-Ultra thing is quoted extensively by these websites. Which is something the US Goverment admitted to doing, and drove a number of randomly selected citizens through schitzophrenia to suicide. It also raises at least the flickering of a possibility that maybe a handful of the people on these gang-stalking sites aren't entirely imagining it.

The fact is, we can only make guesstimates of what reality *is* via our nueral system, which only simulates a tiny amount of the universe at a time, and is full of a number of quirks that mean our perceptions never match anyone else's perceptions 100% of the time. And there *are* brain-bugs like above which are nigh impossible to disprove once you've caught them. To me, it just seems worthwhile remembering that your perceptions can *always* be wrong, no matter how compelling they seem, and with that in mind you may as well choose to perceive the world in a way which is going to make your brief time on the planet as bright and exciting and fun as you can. Sure, there's plenty of evidence that the world is going to shit and we're heading towards an increasingly trapped and fearful future...however, if you look for it, there's at least as much evidence that humans are stepping towards something fucking Great.

Nothing within the universe can contain perfect knowledge of the universe - and if i can only see a small portion of it at a time, i'm going to be focussing on the shit that makes it fun.

weird mail #00001

i received this bizarre home-made notepad in the mail a couple of days ago. Cutely enough, i'd just come back from Brisvegas, which had depressed me greatly. I normally don't get into the whole "Our city has such a unique personality" elitist bullshit, because i want everywhere to be fucking cool, i want to find a thriving alternative arts/music scene everywhere i go, it is so fucking important for the people who shun the petrifyingly moronic faux-art that we're attacked with, by almost every single commericial communications, to be fucking *loud* in their opposition. I think it is mandatory that anyone walking through any major city should be confronted by street-art, firetwirling, political activism, alternative music - if only just to remind them that the conservative 50's style "culture" that we're bred on is not the whole fucking story.

Rocking Horse, Voodoo Lulu and Happy High Herbs aside, i was appalled by the lack of music venues, interesting galleries, alternative shops of any kind in sunny Brisvegas. And i think i was a bit overwhelmed by the unexpected amount of XXXX and racism i saw there during my brief trip.

But in any case, i received this and it made me smile. I have a sneaking suspicion the person responsible might be one Jodie Christ, of Rantolotl fame. You can't see it too clearly, but the author fashioned a "string" out of paper, which was threaded through the pages to keep the booklet together. I hope you enjoy it as much as i did!

Friday, June 11, 2010

bits and Bobs

THIS TASTES DISGUSTING!! Argh, you fuckers, fooling me into buying this dreadful shite, pew pew GROSS and yet the money i spent I WILL DRINK THIS OUT OF SPITE.

last time i did this i was very ill. But making youself sick out of spite is a lot better than the popular reasons why humans decide to make themselves ill.

puff puff pass
paste paste petri dish let's see what will grow on me
the body attacking itself, gimme more of those bad peptides
i am going to explode, rushing faster and faster at the traffic, burning yourself to oblivion out of blind terror.

For the record i have no problem with burning yourself into oblivion as long as your eyes are open.

Here's something...i like that humans are flexible enough to be both information and information processing systems - we're like LISP in that regard. It's neat.

Watch people hop off trains: the bodies on the platform create conduits that the 'data' humans move through. Architecture in Melbourne Central. Once the conduits are empty, they dissolve and become the data that moves through the train-door architecture. I will operate on you and you will operate on me and together we will tell the time. From far enough away people are pixels, enough explosives are a \cls . "You're a member, not a number!" guffaw guffaw! Tell that to the angsting post-teens programming your company's database. Nuerons fire in seperate skulls...the map is passed between human-entities to electronic-entities then reencoded as pigment "We will be raising our premiums by 1%" - back to the electronic-entities via new human-entities. A field in 100,000 databases increments up, becomes more pigment, becomes more electronic transfers, and suddenly Tiffany Pastille is unable to afford that drinks she wants, leaves sober "What a bitch!" and it cycles on.

From the right perspective, anything can become data - this is how you rule the world. From the right perspective, anything can become sentience - this is how you create gods.

I can understand why society treats us (you're included in this) with such contempt - in a way we're very similar to a software virus. The computer architecture is destroyed by the data which "wants" to change the architecture - Virus.DOS.Antimit.770 prefers your harddrive to be a useless block of magnetised iron and sets about making that a reality on April 1st. Similarly, we would like the architecture of society to be different and set about making that a reality. We don't necessarily hope to do this so destructively, but it's still the goal, the ideal. And we're much more terrifying because we're self-assembling - we occur naturally in the soup of humanity/life, rather than being programmed by a higher being.

This is why it's always popular to blame mythological beings for human behaviour. Some people like to be data, and find it difficult to explain human primates in any other way.

Scarily enough, this mindset has been hypothesized as the reason it seems that enginners are more likely to become terrorists. And i can definitely empathise with easy it is to think that a bomb placed in the right place/time could change the world for the better? Who would disagree that a fistful of firecrackers in a certain baby's cot (with hindsight, of course!) would've made the world better for millions of people? How many people would've loved the opportunity to spike a 15yo johnnie howard's warm milk with LSD, take him to a rave, show him that life's not about which dog has the biggest teeth?

In fact, a terrified rumour circulated in that 60's that Ken Kesey and his Merry Pranksters were planning to infiltrate a republican meeting and coat all the chairs/tables/doors with a mix of LSD and some other chemical, to allow it to be absorbed through the skin. (it's in Tom Wolfe's Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test if you're interested).

So there we go - humans = data, the only solution is to bomb everyone or get everyone bombed. My horrible drink is finished. Adeiu.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

brainbook# 00010


expletive awareness flailing grasp the time was indeed now if shearers f***er chew wreck over fight et aliae tee.

make yourself sick, teaching children to be fat, the cycle that does, it's like a lavalamp.

Mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, dead. Can use Microsoft Office, works well alone or in a group, good communication skills provided there's nothing to communicate (bother weather footy dog). Vengeance of the Righteous Impotent, cascading confusion "But there has to be someone to blame!" kick him out, kick them all out, there should be laws, tighter sentences, if the world's falling down around me why should anyone else get better.


I'm painfully and confusingly aware of the contradiction. Is my opposition to the mainstream really from as deep a philosophy as I'd like to suppose, or is it just another form of juvenile revenge? "YOU WOULDN'T LET ME JOIN THE CLUB, THE WORLD'S FALLING AROUND ME WHY SHOULD ANYONE ELSE GET BETTER, THERE SHOULD BE LAWS THERE SHOULD BE FUCKING LAWS"

So much rage, i consider it justified but it *always* feels justified. Hitler felt justified, Brough felt justified, the bombers felt as justified as the pigs.

I decided to hate hypocrisy and I decided to hate the haters. Is this meta or imbecilic? Tantrum throwing nihilists, cutting themselves sharper and sharper in their opposition, slicing fat to isolate the point, piercing and piercing again. Ideological fundmentalism, how is this any different? How is the screaming child pushed into art and science any better than the screaming child pushed out of it? Both of their victims consider the attack unprovoked. Emotional-territorial, both hiss like scared ferrets. How on earth is your screaming, furious music any better?! You react with repugnace just as they react to your kind.

No child is given the option to crawl back into the womb. I never agreed to this. Press ganged into society "You will agree to submit to someone else's will", flakiest of rationales - "They're older, they're wiser, they were put there by God, it's tradition or old charter or something". Legions of automata like reverse cartoon characters - transforming themselves from humanoids into machines, cogs, wheels, more like a brain cell than a brain. Fire, fire, unthinking and unquestioning but still tied to biological programs that are so far out of date.

To cross again is *not* not to cross. I don't deserve my rights any less or more than anyone else.

I rant and I rave because it seems the lesser of the evil. I hate because it's a step closer to freedom - hatred of the system vs. systemized hatred. I demand a better life for myself because no one/thing will do it for me. It doesn't need to be this fucked up, and I am livid that people are dumb enough to think it does. I rail and rail again backwards, off the tracks, so much coal the engine explodes. I never agreed to this, fucked if I'd accept anything less. One life, one chance to carve a niche I can enjoy, one chance to experience something I find good. We can be better, we aren't (yet) and I hate it and I should.

BUT LIFE WASN'T MEANT TO BE FUN!!!!!!!!1 IT'S TOUGH AND UNFAIR!1!!11!!113413241311!!!!