Tuesday, October 6, 2009

start again.

episcopizzalian ridiculous ridiculous you could ridicule someone for that you know, just don't let it be you first, never let it be you first, something will happen, the world will explode, you've gotta watch out it'll come for you when you least expect it, they're everywhere, hiding in the airbrushes waiting to come out of the closet and snatch you away again and again and then you'll never get back again.

i used to wonder about the phrase 'you can never go home again' and think it was just a bit dicky. But lately i've been thinking it a lot - i don't think that means anything but it might not.

the worst thing anyone can do is make art that their parents appreciate, i think. I'm sure neitchze would agree, although maybe after his failed affair with wagner he got so bitter he changed his mind (neitchze bitter?! White != black?!)

maps, territories...i got trapped in a vortex the other night thinking about such things. I wanted to know what anything is at its most fundamental, but in order to know something is something, you need to compare it to something you know, which just makes my brain hurt to think about. There was also an interesting article today where they asked in 150 words or less what some of the most well known modern psychologists and nueroscientists fretted about not knowing about themselves. I found it a little disappointing that despite the ludicrous and exciting advances in science and philosophy in the previous several centuries, that most of the answers were things that people have grappled with from at least 300BC (as far as i've read, i'm sure neanderthals also wondered about the point of it all).

cut cut cut everyone finds their own variety of masochism (if all are one all sex is masturbation, if all are one all violence is masochism) gentrify the meaningless put puns in your porrige and let's have a good, fair game, fellas.

brain like a heartbeat, open, close, relax, push pump force forward more moremore go. Need to find the plywood in my knuckles for the next communication...but how reliable are memories anyway? The angry philosopher in the temple of mirrors, glaring at himself with the most furious impotence. It shifts up and back.

i'm trying to paint pictures of photons by showing where they *aren't*. I'm a dreadful artist so i can only be sure that it's not really what it's supposed to be.

the reason buddhists can be so serene is because they're so violent. Buddha is easily the most evil person i've heard about - he destroyed everything that exists, everthing that doesn't, didn't consider his work complete until he'd totally destroyed himself. Then had the gaul to suggest that there are better Ways than his, if only you can find new things to destroy. Crowley at least created things *some* of the time! if the shadow selves had any idea the lengths we go to persecute them, they'd be well afeared.


FYI this is possibly not sufficiently angsty to be of interest to anyone who might read it.

gobsmacked in the jello moulding shift cycle allusion to something, doesn't quite fit the quackery, when she was born they broke the molten fire pit, drop in the ocean, piss in the handbag and call it ridiculous.

it always starts with something incomprehensible, need the right filters to bring it back, to make the chaos look like something approaching pattern. I turn atoms into plaid, buddha was a redneck...certainly a weapon of mass destruction. In one way the most evil person i'm aware of...destroyed absolutely everything and only considered his work complete when he had destroyed himself, but continued to preach that there were better ways then his, if only people could find new things to destroy! Crowley at least spent some time creating! The shadow selves would be afeared if they realised the lengths we go to just to persecute them.

i went for a walk and it was lovely. i don't know exactly how i filtered the barrage of photons and air molecules that assaulted the organs that converted them into electrochemical reactions in my nervous system, but however i did it, it was pretty swell. Shall have to do it again.

need to get around to ordering 'i am a strange loop' by hofstadter...must not forget again...

I left a pile of shit on my neighbour's front doorstep. He caught me running off, and yelled out "Very clever...you realise i've got two dogs and know how to handle dog shit". As he picked it up with a plastic bag over his hand, i told him it was mine. He yelped, flailed, the man-chorizo flying straight towards a passerby. I don't think there's a lesson in this anywhere, it's just a bit dumb.

A lot of people argue that there's no such thing as a real fractal. The argument seems to hinge on the assumption that there is a fundamental particle that everything is made out of. So, for instance, if you line up two mirrors facing each other, it might *look* like an infinite corridor of smaller and smaller mirrors going off into eternity, but *actually* it only goes until you get to a 'mirror' the size of a photon, at which point the photons coming back and forth between the two mirrors interfere, and so you don't get any smaller mirrors anymore (just, presumably, a photon sized blank patch). Actually that's a bad example because it makes sense, and i was trying to disagree with that viewpoint. Shit!

I was wanting to think of a different example of a fractal in nature which could go smaller than the size of a photon, but unfortunately can't at the moment, which means i'll have to sadly concede that there mightn't be such thing as a real fractal. Which is exactly the opposite of what i wanted to argue here, but stiff shit evidently! I do still like to think that there's no such thing as a fundamental particle, that the universe just keeps getting smaller and smaller forever, although apparently that's impossible because "all the energy would get sucked out the bottom" and you'd end up with a universe entirely devoid of anything. I don't really understand this argument, which is why i don't agree with it at the moment.

water bears are more fun. They are incredibly cute, despite being microscopic. I like to think that they float around in my drinking water looking for honey and getting into adventures, stoicly attacking microscopic humans whenever the humans encroach on the bears' territory (possibly with microscopic logging activities to build microscopic furniture for the microscopic cubicles they work in).

Just thinking about it makes me thirsty.

UPDATE: Since originally writing this post I've found proof (to my own satisfaction) that any "fundamental" particle is physically impossible. However, as most people I've been speaking with over the last year would consider this mind-numbingly self-evident, I shan't bother!

Suffice it to say that it's sometimes hard to feel impressive when you're impressed by the people around you. BUT, it's easy to feel competitive >=D