Saturday, June 5, 2010

brainbook# 00010

fiddledifuck.

expletive awareness flailing grasp the time was indeed now if shearers f***er chew wreck over fight et aliae tee.

make yourself sick, teaching children to be fat, the cycle that does, it's like a lavalamp.

Mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, dead. Can use Microsoft Office, works well alone or in a group, good communication skills provided there's nothing to communicate (bother weather footy dog). Vengeance of the Righteous Impotent, cascading confusion "But there has to be someone to blame!" kick him out, kick them all out, there should be laws, tighter sentences, if the world's falling down around me why should anyone else get better.

THERE SHOULD BE LAWS

I'm painfully and confusingly aware of the contradiction. Is my opposition to the mainstream really from as deep a philosophy as I'd like to suppose, or is it just another form of juvenile revenge? "YOU WOULDN'T LET ME JOIN THE CLUB, THE WORLD'S FALLING AROUND ME WHY SHOULD ANYONE ELSE GET BETTER, THERE SHOULD BE LAWS THERE SHOULD BE FUCKING LAWS"

So much rage, i consider it justified but it *always* feels justified. Hitler felt justified, Brough felt justified, the bombers felt as justified as the pigs.

I decided to hate hypocrisy and I decided to hate the haters. Is this meta or imbecilic? Tantrum throwing nihilists, cutting themselves sharper and sharper in their opposition, slicing fat to isolate the point, piercing and piercing again. Ideological fundmentalism, how is this any different? How is the screaming child pushed into art and science any better than the screaming child pushed out of it? Both of their victims consider the attack unprovoked. Emotional-territorial, both hiss like scared ferrets. How on earth is your screaming, furious music any better?! You react with repugnace just as they react to your kind.


No child is given the option to crawl back into the womb. I never agreed to this. Press ganged into society "You will agree to submit to someone else's will", flakiest of rationales - "They're older, they're wiser, they were put there by God, it's tradition or old charter or something". Legions of automata like reverse cartoon characters - transforming themselves from humanoids into machines, cogs, wheels, more like a brain cell than a brain. Fire, fire, unthinking and unquestioning but still tied to biological programs that are so far out of date.

To cross again is *not* not to cross. I don't deserve my rights any less or more than anyone else.

I rant and I rave because it seems the lesser of the evil. I hate because it's a step closer to freedom - hatred of the system vs. systemized hatred. I demand a better life for myself because no one/thing will do it for me. It doesn't need to be this fucked up, and I am livid that people are dumb enough to think it does. I rail and rail again backwards, off the tracks, so much coal the engine explodes. I never agreed to this, fucked if I'd accept anything less. One life, one chance to carve a niche I can enjoy, one chance to experience something I find good. We can be better, we aren't (yet) and I hate it and I should.

BUT LIFE WASN'T MEANT TO BE FUN!!!!!!!!1 IT'S TOUGH AND UNFAIR!1!!11!!113413241311!!!!


fuck

that.

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